I didn’t really no what to think… but it just happened so quickly, that I didn’t have time to. Hi, my name is Michael, and I live in
Yes, I go to school. It’s the only time I’m aloud out of the house. But it’s not fun, and I have no friends. A lot of the people in my school have nice, new expensive clothes, but mine are all tattered. Everyone thinks that it is wry to upbraid me about the scrapes they see on my face, and deride me about my paltry life. I’m not friends with anyone, and even if I were, then I would not be able to have them over or go to there house anytime. Did I also mention that I’m known as a recluse? I guess its part my fault that I don’t have friends. Anyways, there was this one affluent kid named Timmy that I really liked. He was always a good friend to me and I was a good friend to him. I could tell him everything, but I kept one little secret from him. Actually, it wasn’t little, it was huge. I didn’t tell him, not even gave him a hint, that I was being abused. I wish I had, because recently, he just moved to Florida. I always hesitate when I want to tell someone. The teacher asked me one day what the contusions were on my arms and legs. I lied and told her that I fell down the stairs on accident. She was a little suspicious I could tell, but I couldn’t tell her the truth, or else there would have been big consequences.
So the next day came and my mom was waiting for me at the door when the bus dropped me off. “What is it this time?” I would ask her as I saw her carrying a huge bucket of soap and water. “Clean my car and then come back inside.” She screamed. I didn’t say another word and took the bucket out of her hands and began. As soon as I started she went inside to watch me from the window to make sure that I didn’t run away. I had to do this once a week, even if her car wasn’t dirty. When I finished I hurried up inside to warm up and grab something to eat. Then the devil came back into the picture. This time scaring me, yelling me to go upstairs into the bathroom and sit in the tub until she came up. This definitely was not a good situation. “What is going to happen to me?” I would ask myself. I must have stayed in the bathtub for a half hour before I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. “Uh, oh.” She came in with this sinister look on her face like she was going to thresh me again. But what was it this time? She made me turn on the bath water to the coldest it could go, and stay in it until it filled all the way up. I refused. I wasn’t going to take this crap any longer. I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. I quickly ran out of the bathroom before she could get a hold of me. I took my brothers old bathrobe laying on the carpet, and headed for the front door. It wasn’t long before I could see my mom running after me. But I knew that I could beat her. I was the fastest out of my brothers. And there is no reason of why I shouldn’t be able to out run my mother. I saw the front door and bolted for it. Out I ran, and I didn’t even bother to look back to see where my mom was. Finally I was free. All I could think about now was where was I headed to? I had no relatives and no friends around to go to. No one will help me in this sad neighborhood.
I thought my life was over, when all of a sudden I saw a car stopping by the road. At first I thought it was my mom, and then all of a sudden I notice a man sitting in the driver’s seat. I don’t know who this man was, but I needed someone with a car to take me out of this place. There was a little kid sitting in the back seat and right away I knew that I had seen that face once before. “TIMMY!!!!!” I yelled out loud. “YOU CAME BACK!” I was so excited to see someone that I knew was going to take care of me. I was so thankful that day and hopped up into the truck. They explained to me that they were coming back down here for vacation to remember the old times. I didn’t hesitate anymore, I told his dad and Timmy that I had been abused. We headed straight for the police station to report my mother right away because anymore “accidents” would happen.
That very day was like a miracle. I was about ready to lament at this point. I thought that my best friend from long ago I was never going to see ever again. I guess miracles can happen in your life!
* * *
So there you have it, the story about my whole life, and the people who saved me. Currently, I am living with my friend Timmy. And his father ended up adopting me a few months later. I am 25 now and Timmy and I even have our own apartment. We found out that right when Timmy’s dad called the police to report my mom, they went after her to put her in jail. I haven’t talked to her ever since and I am not planning on it. Although I still miss her, and my dad and two brothers, I am so very thankful to be in a family with people who I know care about me.
11 comments:
Authors notes:
-It is a fact that in the United States, an estimated 906,000 children are victims of abuse and neglect every year, making child abuse as common as it is shocking. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect, the scars can be deep and long-lasting. It not only gets you in trouble, but hurts your child in ways that aren’t meant to be.
-This piece definitely explains the wrong side of abuse in our country. The whole essay pretty much was easy to write because I have read facts about this subject.
- The problems that I had encountered while writing this was what were the right words to use. I wasn’t sure if I had used appropriate vocabulary at some points in the story.
-I would love for the readers to point out to me what parts of the story really caught their attention.
supper sweet! i didnt actually read it but it souds good!!
I- The conflict of the story is that the Protagonist is getting abused by his mother and he can’t get away. Also the boy sort of doesn’t want to leave his mom, his last living family member. There is an internal and external conflict. I was interested in the resolution of the conflict because the boy was treated so badly and had a bad life.
II- The main character develops over the time in the story and has the courage to leave his mother. The main character just decided that he wouldn’t take it anymore. If the main character didn’t develop then he would have never escaped his abusive mother.
III- My favorite part of the story was the climax when the main character bolted out because it was exciting and I wanted to know what was going to happen next. A good line is “It wasn’t long before I could see my mom running after me. But I knew that I could beat her. I was the fastest out of my brothers.” I liked this line because it was the most exciting line.
IV- I think the story’s best quality was the exposition, I really got to know the character. This is a good example of how the character is introduced “But it isn’t fair. And sometimes I think to myself, what did I do in life to deserve this? What part in the accident is my fault? Oh… and that reminds me, it all happened when my family got in the huge car crash about 3 years ago. Everything was fine before then. We were driving to go to my favorite restaurant of all time, Red Robin. We were turning the corner when all of a sudden, a drunk driver comes by 100 miles and hour and BAM, hits our car right on the front. All I could hear was a clamor in my head as it happened. Our windshield was totally smashed and we ended up hitting the railing next to us. And unfortunately, my dad, and my two brothers died. It was a very tragic thing that hurt our entire family, especially my mom.”
V- I think the story’s theme is miracles do happen. The way Timmy comes at the end and he and his dad take the main character in. But I think that the author could have done a better job of making the end more realistic. Timmy came back to live in South Hadley just for the main character?
VI- I think the author needs to check for grammatical mistakes and to make the end more realistic. Maybe you could say Timmy was in town because of his relative or something to make the ending seam more plausible.
The main conflict in this story is that a kids dad and brothers died in a car accident and he is left to live with his mom. His mom thinks that its his fault and starts to abuse him daily for no good reason. This is both an internal and external conflict. I was invested in the resolution because i'm very sensitive to little kids for some reason and i was eager to find out if he would be ok.
The main character changes over time by becoming aware that not everyone in the world is going to be mean to you and abuse you. Just because one particular person is mean doesnt mean everyone else is going to be. HE also realized that he did nothin wrong to make his mom abuse him, and its not his fault she kept doing it.
My favorite part of the story is the first sentence. When you read it, it doesnt make much sense which is what kept me reading. The exposistion was a little confusing because its going in and out of a flash back and then stays in the past for a while and then comes back to the future.
I think the story's best quality is the plot. It is very strong and Jill never drifts away from it which is good.
The theme is that there are some people in the world who will be complete jerks and abuse you and be mean and stuff. But know that there are also people out there who will go out of their way to do something extremely nice for someone else.
I think you will want to reread you opening paragraph because coming in and out of the flashback numerous times is a little confusing and hard to follow. I also think you should edit for spelling/grammar/wrong words because there were some parts where i was really confused because i wasn't too sure if it was the right word that went there.
The main conflict in Jill's story was that the main character is a victim of abuse and can't find a way to escape his fate. He is being abused by his mother, who is the last livng member of his family. This story has an internal and external conflict because Michael is being abused, but also can't find the heart to leave the only person in his family that he has left. The conflict was resolved when Michael finally ran away from his mother for good. To make the cobflict more dramatic, Jill could have included more description of what types of things that the mother actually did to give the reader a better idea of the victim's life.
Over the course of the story, the main character Michael goes from being a very shy and introverted kid to become more outspoken and not afraid of sharing his experiences. The biggest moment of change happens when he finally decides that enough is enough and tells his friend Timmy all about his abusive mother so that he can get help. Without this change,Michael might never have gotten up the courage to spek out about his situation, andmay have eventually died.
My favorite part of the story was in the exposition because Jill had a very interesting first line that draws th reader's attention to want to continue. "I didn’t really no what to think… but it just happened so quickly, that I didn’t have time to." This qoute stood out because it was very intense but maybe still a bit vague for a first sentence.
The best thing about this story in general was the flow of the plot and how each of the five parts of plot were evident in Jill's writing. The climax was easily identifiable, and the conflict was resolved well with Michael ending up with a good life after he told Timmy about his mother.
The main theme in this story is about learning to speak out if something is going drastically wrong, illegal even. It's also about learning to trust your friends and know that they are always looking out for you no matter what. The theme grew throughout the story because Michael finally told Timmy about his abuse, which meant that he could finally trust him with something like that.
The biggest thing that Jill needs to fix about her story is some parts of her setting, like the flashback periods, because they are a little hard to keep up with and don't necessarily make sense in context.
1. The conflict of the story was the main character was abused by his mother. The conflict was external. It was resolved when he ran away one day and his old friend Timmy was driving by with his dad and they picked him up. Then he told Timmy and his dad about being abused and they went to the police. Something that could have made the story more dramatic was talk about the chores he is forced to do and what the mother does to abuse her son.
2. The protagonist changes over time because in the beginning of the story, the boy is scared of his mom, but at the end, he gets courage to run away and tell someone about being abused. The character's great insight is he finally is sick of getting abused so he makes a quick decision to run. This changed is important because it is what led to the resolution. The story would be different if the character didn't change because he would have to live with his abusive mother until he got up courage or told someone about it.
3. My favorite part of the story is when Timmy and his dad find the main character running on the side of the road. This occurred in the resolution. "She made me turn on the bath water to the coldest it could go, and stay in it until it filled all the way up. I refused. I wasn't going to take this crap any longer. I didn't deserve to be treated this way." This stood out to me because it shows that the main character is going to do something about being abused, which will change the course of the story. It also made me wonder what he was going to do next.
4. The best thing about this tale is the story arc. The story has a very descriptive exposition that makes me want to read more into the story to figure out with happens and a catchy rising action that makes you anxious to read on. The climax is when the main character knows his mom is going to do something bad to him in the bathroom and decides not to take her crap any more.
5. The story’s theme is to speak up for yourself and take action in things you know are not right. This evolves over the story because the character doesn’t want to tell anyone about being abused or run away because his mom will be furious with him and just beat him more. However, he realizes it is his life and he needs to change it because he did nothing to deserve the treatment, so he runs away.
6. The main thing the author needs to revise is the theme because it is unclear what exactly it is. I didn’t know what it was myself, I just had a brief idea. That is the only thing I would fix.
Great Job Jill!
1) The conflict of the story is that i thought the conflict of the story was that the main charactor is getting abused by his mother and he can’t get away. There is an internal and external conflict. I was interested in the resolution of the conflict because the boy was abused by his mother and i wanted her to get punished
2)the main charctor develops over the story and finnaly gets enough corrage to leave gis mother.if he had not changed over the story he would have still been being abused to day.
3)my favorite part of the story was the climax beacause he finnaly gets enough corage to leave his abusive mother.
4)i like the words you use because the are very descriptive and it dosnt soud like you were just trying to fit them in wherever you could.
5)i think the theme is that even if you are abused you can come out of it with a positive attitude and still lead a normal life even though you have had so many problems in your past.
6)i think you should work on the diolog a little bit it was good but i think you can make it even better.but over all i thought it was a good essay!
1-The conflict of the story is that micheal is getting abused by his mother, but doesnt wantto tell anyone. It was an internal conflict. Micheal finally told his friend that he was being abused and his mom got arrested. I was pretty sure that he was going to tell someone because no one can take that much abuse. Could have showed a little bit more about how he was being beaten, because makeing you wash stuff may seem like a hard job, but its no abuse, if it was i would be severly abused
2. Micheal acceots that he needs to tell someone and finally tells some one he is being abused. He realizes that the only thing he can do to make his life better would be to tell someone about it so he runs away and tells his friend dylan. If the character didnt change then he would have just dealt with the abuse on his own and that would probably lead to his death.
3. my favorite part of the story was when he ran away and toold someone he was being abused. My favorite part of the story occured in the resolution.
4. The stories best chracter would be conflict because the entire story isbased on and revolves around the conflict. The story talked about the confluict alot and really focused on it to make sure the reader knew whhat it was.
5. Dont be afraid to tell someone something if you have a problem.
6. They should add a few vocab words and have a family member read it out loud and tell her where the mistatkes are and what doesnt make sense. Also she should have someone chech it for sentence fluncy.
The Vocabulary words that I used:
Hamlet-(noun)A small village. This was used to say where he lived.
Gaunt-(Adj.) Extremely thin and bony. This was used to describe Michael's mother.
Parlor-(Adj.) pail. This was also used to describe Michael's mother.
Upbraided-(Verb) To make fun of. I used this word when Michael was describing what happened to him at school.
paltry-(Adj.) Small and worthless. This was used when Michael was saying how people made fun of him and his life.
Affluent-(Adj.) Rich. I used this word to describe how Michael's mother wasn't rich.
Contusion-(noun) Bruise. While Michael was in school, his teacher asked him about the contusions on his arms and legs.
Deride-(verb) To laugh or scorn at. His friends were deriding him at school also.
Recluse-(noun) A person who is to himself. Michael described himself as a recluse.
Wry-(Adj.) Clever or funny. People at his school thought that it was funny to make fun of Michael.
tattered-(Adj.) Ragged. He described himself wearing tattered clothing.
Malignant-(Adj.) Evil or harmful. His mom was very malignant, and he described that in his story.
Thresh-(Adj.) To strike repeatedly. This word was used when he described what he thought his mother was going to do to him.
Lament-(verb) To cry. This was used in the end when he saw Timmy, he thought he was about to cry, it felt so god to see him again.
1. The biggest changes that i had made from my first draft to my final was probably what people suggested for me, which was making Timmy coming back more realistic instead of having him just popping into the neighborhood for no reason.
2. I think that the blog posts were more helpful for editing because people that you may not no as well comment on your story and really tell you suggestions about your story and how to fix certain parts.
3. I think that my story's greatest strength would have to be its theme because it really comes across when you read the story. It is also the most important out of the story because it can happen in our real world and to just be aware of what it can do to you.
4. Advice for next year students would to just write about something that you know about well. I chose to write something about abuse because I have heard about it and what it can do to you. Also, just to listen to what feedback people offer you when they comment on their story.
The conflict of Jill's story is that Michael has an abusive mother and can't get away from her. There is both an internal conflict and an exterernal. The interal is that he doesn't want to leave his mother because she is the only living family member that he has but he feels he needs to leave her to be safe. I thought the resolution was really good because after reading a Child Called "It" I've become more interested and touched by stories like his.
Michael, the main character changes over time because towards the end he gets the courage to leave his mother. He also realizes that there are more people out in the world who can care for you even though one person may not.
I like the first sentence of the story because immediately it grabbed my attention and made me believe that this was going to be a good story to read. The overall plot of the story was very well-wrtten and kept my attention the whole the time and that's what I look for when I read a story.
I think the conflict was very really good in the story because it was clearly resolved and was mostly realisticly resolved.
I think the theme of the story is that follow your heart and trust your instincts. The main character knew that what his mother was doing to him was wrong and knew he had to get out so he followed his heart and made a way so he could leave and be happy.
For revisions and making the story better, I think Jill should make the first paragraph a little more detailed and clearer so that you get a better idea of who, what, where, when etc. the story is taking place and the characters.
Post a Comment