There are plenty of people on our Earth who don’t even appreciate or realize something means a lot to them. Or that they have a moment that happened to them that can last forever, or something they do everyday that’s special to that person. We usually tend to move on and think about the things that are in the future rather then thinking about what we have right now. Are there things that make you special? Do you value a specific priceless moment or valuable item that means a lot to you? If so, what makes that moment or item of yours valuable?
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It’s 8 O’clock. “Time to get up!” I heard my sister yell from across the hall. It was summertime and I was excited. I was ready to go to Six Flags with my family and have a good time. When we got there, I noticed it was the highest rollercoaster there. “Uh, oh”. I said to myself. I didn’t want to go on it, but my sister yanked me in line. It must have taken over an hour for the wait. Its name was Superman and I was not ready for the height, fastness, and enormous drop/hill it had one bit.
Finally we came to the top of the steps. Nervous, I slipped into one of the middle seats along with my sister, Rachel, who came along with me. She was ready for the huge drop that was in front of us. Everyone was screaming, but me, I was the only nervous one out there! I hear the assistant for the ride yell, “All clear!” And then the tracks started up. People in the front and the back of me both had their hands reaching as high up in the air as possible.
Then it came, the drop. I would have gone on it a million times more if I could. Before I knew it, the ride was over. And that was, and still is, my favorite ride. The feeling of the first drop on Superman feels like your whole stomach comes out! I tried it, and loved it!
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I loved my grandma very much and it was a hard moment for me to see her for the last time. Everyone could probably agree on that if it happened to them. To my surprise, on our graduation from 8th grade last year, my mom was nice enough to get me a golden locket, in which I try to wear everyday. I also sense it gives me good luck when I wear it.
Like I had said previously, it was one of the hardest days of my life to see my grandma pass away. So in my golden locket, my mom also put an image of her in there to remind me of her everyday and so I can look at her and remember the good/fun times I had with her and the rest of my family.
My locket means a lot to me, just as many other items that I have. However, I think that the picture of my grandma in the locket is the valuable part of it. Jewelry can be worth a ton of money, and most times it isn’t something that everyone needs in life, the locket may not be the most important part of it, but the picture of my grandma in it is the item that I treasure the most.
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I value both my golden locket and the intense feeling of the first drop on superman for different reasons. But somewhere in there, there are similarities to them. My locket means a lot to me. It isn’t just some necklace that I put on in the morning to look pretty, or for it to go with my outfit. I wear it to remind me of my grandma and our times that we had together. There were plenty of funny moments we had together and I cherish them all. I try to make sure I wear it everyday and be cautious that nothing happens to it, like loosing it in particular.
Without my necklace hanging on my neck, I feel very bare and afraid that something has happened to it. It bothers me when people open it to see the picture because I always feel like the picture is going to slid out somehow.
The feeling of the first drop on superman is what I would call priceless. It is something in life that I feel everyone should give a try. I was one of the nervous one on the ride, but in the end, I was one of the only ones who still had my hands up! I was very glad that I had conquered my fears, and I also thank my sister for yanking me into the long line! Even though I was scared, she knew that I would enjoy it in the end because she had been on it before.
Both the feeling of the first drop on superman and my necklace are very valuable to me, for different reasons, and for similar reasons. They are both something that I still care about, and that overcome something. Superman was a conquer of my fears, while my golden necklace conquers my fear of bad luck, and it helps me to remind me of the fun/good times that I had with my grandma.I could think of a million more items and moments that I value. However, there are still many other things that I value, and I’m sure that everyone can think of at least one of them. So get thinking and don’t think about the future so soon!
6 comments:
I think that in the first paragraph, Jill gives good detail about what is going to happen in her essay. I think that she too knows what the meaning of valuable and priceless is, and she does a really good job showing it.
I could picture going on Superman for the first time better, but that might just be because if done it before too and lets just say I was beyond nervous. Turns out I had the same reaction that she did, but I still get nervous when I go on it, but the thrill after the big drop is a big adrenaline booster. ‘
I think that this essay is very descriptive in parts, but could use more help being overall descriptive. She does use very good word choice though which is a plus. I also really liked her introduction.
Next time, I would try to be more descriptive throughout the whole essay and not just in parts because it seems like you’ve just given up in some parts. I also think that you should look at organization because some things didn’t make sense the way you wrote them. But I think you did a really good job.
I believe that Jill really cares about both her locket, and the sensation she feels on the drop of the Superman, are very important to her. In Jill's introductory paragraphs how she thinks people should take it slow, and focus in the present, and not jump ahead to the future, and live life one day at a time.
I think that Jill described her golden locket very nicely. She gave a lot of description as to what it represents, and why it's important to her. One of my favorite lines was,"Without my necklace hanging on my neck, I feel very bare and afraid that something has happened to it." This made me really realize just how important her necklace is to her.
I believe that one of Jill's overall strengths was her organization. She did a great job organizing her thought. She had a paragraph for both her objects, plus an introductory and conclusion. She also made sure that when she had a new idea, she created a new paragraph.
One piece of advice I would give Jill is to make sure that she stays in the present tense. During the first part of her essay when she talks about her trip to Six Flags, it was in the past tense,when I think it should be in the present tense to make it more clear and interesting.Other than that, great job!
In Jill’s introduction paragraph, I think she did a very good job explaining what she would be talking about. I really like the questions she posed and the examples. I would just fix how it says "on" alot. She really talks about her topics with emotion, and good description. By reading this essay, I can tell she really like the Superman Ride, and her golden locket.
Something described really well in this essay, was the Superman ride. She talked about how she was scared, and what she remembered. She talked about the way she slid into the car and the ride instructor, yelled all clear before she started going. By the way she described it I feel like I could have been standing right next to her.
One strength in this piece of writing was the word choice. She used some really good words, and didn’t go over the top and use words that her audience wouldn’t understand.
One piece of advice for Jill would be to talk in the present tense. You talk a lot in the past tense by saying things like, I got onto the ride, and telling how you saying that you got your locket for graduation. You should try to change it a little so that you talk in present tense. But overall, I thought it was a very good essay!
Jill's essay really shows that she values more than just objects, she values moments, ideas, and opinions as well. Her begining paragraph shows a lot about how the rest of her essay might play out.
Jill really did a great job describing the first drop on the superman and the intense feelings of nervousness that come with the first time riding the beast. Her descriptive ideas and opinions let me have a better idea of what she feels and values when she goes to six flags.
One overall strength that jill had was that she was good at relating to the reader and letting them know that they should give the things in life a try that usually you wouldn't do. her wording was not to complicated which made for easy reading and her ideas were great.
If I did this, I would try to come up with a more original name.. persoanlly. the writing is great, I just find that the title almost gives away too much, but that is all in my opinion, overall, I love the essay.
The author is saying that her most valuable items are her locket necklace with a picture of her grandmother in it and the moment that she first rode the superman ride of steel.
I thought she did a really good job explaining the importance of her locket and the thrill of the superman ride. I like the necklace description the best because she stated what it represented to her and showed that it was really special to her.
I think the strength in this essay was how she explained and described the importance of her item/moment really well. I really got a feel how important her locket was to her and how she was nervous about the ride but afterwards was excited she went on.
Th only thing I would suggest would be to have better organization throughout the essay. I also think that it was relly well told but I thought the conclusion needed some work. But Overall I really liked this essay!!!
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